punkinhead

If you know me, you know I usually have a million thoughts going through my head at any given time.   Especially at work.  I need to do this, but first I should do That, but wait, there’s this….   I’ve started actually writing things down, otherwise I forget, of course, then an hour later remember, and have to stop what I’m doing to do what I was supposed to do, then the cycle continues.

So, I’ve had a few thoughts running through my head this last week.  First is my very own “Sliding Doors” moment.  If you don’t know, “Sliding Doors” is a Gwyneth Paltrow movie from the late 90’s.  The movie follows two story lines – 1 where Gwyneth’s character barely catches the subway train, and subsequently catches her boyfriend cheating on her.  The 2nd story arc is where the subway doors slide shut and she misses the train, and therefore, doesn’t discover the affair, stays with her boyfriend, etc.  It’s a good movie, though I hated the end.   Anyway, my point is that the other day I didn’t do my usual morning routine because I had to take my daughter to the doctor.   Right before we head out the door, I remember I wanted to take my library book to read in the waiting room,so I run up to get it.  Finally we get into the car and head down the same highway we take everyday.   But wait, traffic is backed up.  There’s an accident.  A bad one.   Car on fire, type of bad.  After 1/2 hour we are told by the police to turn around and exit the on ramp.   Later we find out the accident was fatal, and a 24 year old lost his life.  That could have been us.   Reports say the accident happened about 4 minutes before we arrived at the scene.  And traffic wasn’t backed up that far.    No, it didn’t take me 4 minutes to go get my book, but if we had been just a little faster getting ready, or I had woken up 4 minutes earlier, we could have met that same terrible fate.   So, why didn’t we?  Fate?  God?

Well, I mentioned the other million thoughts going through my head, and the other has been thinking of the thoroughly stupid things I did as a young person, and somehow I’m still here.   God must have a plan for my life.   Maybe it’s raising my daughter.  Maybe it’s to be in the right place at the right time to benefit someone else.   Maybe it won’t even happen for another 20 years.   In any case, I thank God that I’m still here.  Even more so, with every fiber of my being, I thank God my daughter is here, and safe.

That was the title I thought of this morning as I lie in bed, thinking about the day I had yesterday.  “Best Laid Plans” was a post I made a few weeks ago.  How plans can go awry, but that’s life and you have to just deal with it and adjust to change.  But, sometimes when your best laid plans go awry, it just sucks.  And yesterday sucked for me.

My employee of 14 years, my right hand, my framer, my sports person, my sale person, my Jack of All Trades person, my friend, my ‘sister’ gave me her notice yesterday.    After 13 years of 3 of us working in the office, one of us will be gone at the end of the month.  I feel sad.  I feel bereft.  I feel overwhelmed.   I feel lost.   Sure, I can hire someone new.   And it’s our slow season, so I have time.   Yes, I can train someone to answer the phones, help clients, etc., but it will take forever to teach them all of the nuances, policies, ‘what ifs’, we have in our business.   A new person won’t know the clients.   A new person won’t know the history.  A new person won’t be able to remember the name of someone when we describe a session, client, situation.  It just won’t be the same.

But, as Life Happens, I woke up, as I usually do, pretty happy.   Then I Remembered.   I feel this overwhelming loss.   And then I read the paper.   A father of 3, age 45, died suddenly after being diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks ago.   I’m 45.  Then I realized I can mope and whine all I want, but I really don’t have anything to mope and whine about, compared to this family.   I’m alive, I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and I have to be grateful and quit bemoaning the changes happening.   Sure, it will suck.  And it will be crazy busy for the 2 of us left behind.  And it will not be the same.   But, what will be will be.  And there’s nothing I can do about it.   Best Laid plans…

Sometimes I hate it when I’m right.

This past weekend we had a big family reunion – our first in years – and if I remember correctly, the first time we’d all been together since my grandfather died in 1994.   He, and my grandmother especially, would have been so pleased to see the whole family together.  She loved family gatherings, and never wanted them to end.   Someone shared the memory of Grandma not wanting to leave a party, and my grandfather being in the car and honking the horn, as she stood inside in her coat, talking a bit more.

So this weekend was about stories.  Stories that made us laugh until our ribs hurt.  Stories that made my sister laugh until she snorted (though she may deny it).   Stories that made people long gone seem a little closer.

One of my favorite is about my dear, sweet grandmother.  My grandfather was a Baptist pastor, so she had the role of helping to lead the church.   A very upstanding, proper role.   As I mentioned, she loved to get us together, and yearly she would have a Grandkid Sleepover, with all of us that were ages 6 and up, or so.   We would sleep on her living room floor, after eating her cookies, and playing Trivial Pursuit.   One night, after our grandparents were in bed, we realized, to our terror, that there was someone outside the window, staring in at us, with a nylon over their head!  We were terrified.  You can’t (or maybe you can) imagine the screams, which grew louder as this person walked into the breezeway, and then into the house.   My grandparents, somehow, were sleeping through all of this commotion, as we are about to be murdered, for sure.

Then, as this creep comes through the kitchen doorway, we figure out who it is.   It’s Grandma.  My sweet, proper grandmother, trying to scare the daylights out of her dear grandchildren.  Who would do such a thing???   My great, awesome, funny grandmother.   The one whom I can credit when my friends and family chide me for playing a trick on them.  I’ve been known to pull a prank or two, and I remember now that I do it in honor of Grandma.

So, all in all, I’d say the reunion was a success.  If you haven’t had one lately, make plans.   Call, email, or message family, and set a date.  Do it now, you won’t regret it.

You’ll talk into the night.  You’ll laugh until you cry, snort, or hurt your ribs.  You’ll make memories.  Memories to be shared at the next reunion, or 30 years later, like the story of a grandmother scaring the kabeejies out of her grandkids.

Good times, good times.   Already looking forward to next year.