punkinhead

hand knitted baby hats…for warm heads & warm hearts

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

on December 21, 2012

It’s been one week since my heart, and the heart of our nation, was broken.   Like many others, I am still grieving.   I find myself crying or tearing up more often since my stepdad died over 27 years ago.  He wasn’t just my stepdad, he was my Dad.   He had raised me since I was a toddler, and I was devastated when he died.  Just like this week.   But, as grief works, like it did back in 1985, I find that time is helping a bit to heal this deep wound.  Instead of thinking about the tragedy every second, I might go a minute or two, then after a while, I realize it’s been 5 whole minutes, then an hour.   I’ll hear myself laugh and realize I hadn’t thought about ‘it’ for a couple of hours.   It’s not that the grief isn’t still there – am I getting used to it?  Or can I handle it better?  I don’t know.  But I’ve been through loss before, so I know this is how it works, but it just sucks that we have to go through it at all.

The good!   After crying on my way home from work Wednesday, listening to President Obama read those dear children’s names, I woke up Thursday to the news that my oldest niece was in labor – 10 days early!   Baby Michael kept us waiting all day, but he arrived healthy and weighing exactly what my daughter did.  It was such a great, happy day anticipating the birth.  It was as if God said “Hey, I know you’re grieving, here’s an early Christmas present, a miracle, to help you heal.”  I am so excited to have a new baby to love!  I have to wait a whole week to meet him, but I cannot wait until he is in my arms and I can see the future in his tiny face.  And on top of that, yesterday morning I received a video showing my youngest niece learning to walk!    Not even 11 months and she’s toddling across the floor, all cheeks and belly.  So precious.  Move forward, move on.  That’s the message I’m getting.

The ugly!   It’s just 2 of us in the studio today, and it’s Friday, and it’s our last day before the long holiday weekend, so we are sporting our favorite Ugly Christmas sweaters.   I’ve never worn one in public before, though my coworker has.  She even goes out for dinner and drinks wearing one!   She has more courage than I, but I’m willing to do it today, to make it a fun day.   It’s Christmas – a time for smiles and laughter.  Bring it on!

 

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