hand knitted baby hats…for warm heads & warm hearts

My heart is broken

on December 17, 2012

It’s been 4 days and I still can’t get over the pain and sadness that Friday’s events in Newtown, Connecticut caused.  I find myself near tears every time I think about it.  I didn’t know any of the victims, I don’t know any of the families, I had never even heard of Newtown until Friday, but my heart breaks just the same.   Every time I think of how events played out in that school, I picture my daughter’s 1st grade classroom.   It was a place of happy noises and sweet voices.   Now I picture a group of terrified children and a brave teacher trying to protect them, though her human body was no match for the evil that entered the school that day.   I think of the principal lunging towards the gunman, and I picture the staff at my daughter’s school, and can see each and every one of them doing the same.

I’ve tried to stop thinking about it.  I’ve changed my Home pages to my email login page, so as to not have to see the headlines any more.  I’m not watching the news.  I won’t read the paper tomorrow.   The funerals have begun.  I can’t bear to read about the funerals. There shouldn’t be any funerals.

I know I need to move on.   But how unfair is that?  Those families won’t be able to move on for a long time.  If ever.  And they’ll never forget.   Neither will I.

But I’ve started to think about what our pastor said in church yesterday.   God is Love and God gives us Hope.  We had a baptism in church yesterday, a poignant contrast to the sorrow we felt.   But what a joyous thing to see a new baby – that’s what we need to believe in.   Love and Hope.

So now I’ve started thinking about the Good that happened Friday.   The parents who were reunited with their children.  I cannot imagine their joy.  The staff who could finally breathe a sigh of relief and open barricaded doors.   The children who were terrified, getting picked up and held by their mothers and fathers.  The family members who were called with the best news possible: their loved ones were safe.   A lot of bad happened Friday, but so did a lot of good.   There were over 400 children in that school and the first responders and sirens stopped further carnage.  These are things we need to be thankful for.  These are the things we need to remember too.

Love and Hope.   There is still Love in the world.  And there is still Hope in the world.  One evil act doesn’t take all of that away.  It just makes it harder to remember.

So we need to remember.  We need to remember the victims’ names: Emilie, Noah, Vicki, Jack.   Not the perpetrator’s.   We need to remember the Love in this world, not the hate.   We need to remember the Hope we have, not the despair we feel in a world gone crazy.

I’ve experience loss before and I know the biggest healer is time.   Lots and lots of time.  This wound I feel will heal.   Our nation will heal.  But those families will never heal.  May God’s love and our love give them peace and comfort.   Let’s not forget their loved ones.  They never will.




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